You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
