you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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