his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Shame - the story of my life.
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