No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
