It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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