she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
