im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
