So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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