if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
