So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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