dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
