I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you didnt know i had herpes?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
