I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We have started to decorate penises.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
3 2 1 whiskey
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
