I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
