Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
