I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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