Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
