There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
