You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
