so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
