I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
