I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
