I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
