It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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