I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
