i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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