My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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