I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
