arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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