She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
