i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
