handjob tips. give me some.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
