Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
