This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
