how can u be prego again
My nipple is on Facebook.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
