just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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