so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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