The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
