she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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