That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
