Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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