if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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