my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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