I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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