I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
