i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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