so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
bring money and cleavage
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
