Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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