i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
