I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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