I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
