Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
