Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
