I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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