I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
