i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
