Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
