What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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