why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
