lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
