She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
