There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
