No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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