I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize