I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
