tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
