I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
