Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
