Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
