I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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