Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A bitchslap is in order.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
