I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
