How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
