Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
