My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
