my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
